Thursday, March 31, 2011

Picture Update

Well here is another body update picture. GROSS! I really honestly cant tell, but it looks like Im a little smaller. Im still a pig, just an itty bitty smaller version pig of the last picture I posted.
This has been so incredibly hard. Not that Im hungry or starving, just being able to find the right foods, and drinking enough water. I really dont drink enough, for example, its 3pm and I havent had a single drop of water. Not good.
I dont know how much I weigh because I havent been able to get to a scale.
I havent gone on any binges or anything.  But I have been feeding on lots of chicken noodle soups.. ugh.
I also need to be more active and not sit in bed and cry my fucking eyes out..which brings me to my next point...

My depression has an evil grip on my life and sometimes it loosens its grip enough for me to just breathe a little. 
Its so hard to stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend and all the shit he has done to me in the last 6 months and having to swallow the fact that he is apparently in love with some new girl, who can fit into a 2 piece bathing suit. A  girl he can look at naked with the lights on, he can kiss her flat tummy..
This really is brutal. I really need to get through this. Its eating me up inside. I feel like fucking dying.

Monday, March 28, 2011

And Im back!

Ok, so after a brief screw up this weekend. Im back to my restrictions and I feel pretty awesome. The headaches are gone and Ive been super active today.
I made my way to a scale and according to THAT scale Im at 61.9 kg which is about 136.5 lbs. YAY ME! I dont know why I lost some weight, considering I screwed up so bad and Im on my period.. Oh well.

Im drinking my water and staying faaar away from sugars, oils, salts and everything in between. Today I wore a pare of pants I have been quite embarrassed to wear in the past. I still look fat, but not as bad as I did before in them. I had to wear a long shirt to hid my nasty flab. Not today.
I will try to keep at it and weigh myself again on Wednesday. Here is todays thinspiration

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Me = Fail

I messed up big time last night! Im so pissed off at myself. fuck! I was doing so amazing yesterday. Feeling a little weak but I was plowing through it. I went to that stupid party last night (I had no choice, I had to go, it was my niece's bday party other wise I would have stayed home) and I ended up eating like 6 appetizers last night. Ugh. I think I gained back the 1.6lbs I had lost. WTF.

Today I had to eat with my neighbor. He made BBQ Chicken which was ok, but then he put rice and corn on the cob on my plate. SERIOUSLY? RICE?
I want to die

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Current Stats

Truth Hurts

Today is technically day 3 on my diet and I have already hit 500 calories for the day, I was only allowed to have 300 calories today and its only 5pm ANNNND I have a party to attend later on tonight. Ugh! I cant believe I cant even last 3 days. I also just got my period and I'm feeling super bloated. I have had a horrible headache since I have started the diet. It has not stopped not even for a minute. I assume I'm in need of some sort of vitamin or something. I don't know. I went to the pharmacy and picked up some migraine meds. Still havent worked.
Ok so I have no scale where I am staying and I had to go on pure missions today in order to find one. So I was finally able to weigh myself and as of now I am 138.4lbs. I have dropped 1.6 lbs. YAY!

24 hours later...

dear new jeans: you're a LIAR!

Ok, So today is the start of day 3. I still feel like shit. I have had a killer headache for days, but its probably from crying myself to sleep every night like a total fucking loser.
I guess its a good thing that no one is seeing me naked these days, because as you can see by these pictures, my clothes certainly deceive you.

This is me last night at a department store looking for jeans. What a joke. Although, I did have to go down 1 pant size from what I normally wear, I still look like a cow in jeans.
Im happy to report that I am super motivated and Im on a mission to do this. So Im going to keep taking pics of my disgusting body until I get this shit right!

Friday, March 25, 2011

ABC Diet: DAY 1

ABC Diet
So I started my ABC diet yesterday. Today is day 2. I had water, 3 glasses... I know, NOT GOOD, but I was incredibly depressed yesterday and couldn't even get out of bed. I had, 3 ounces of tuna with lemon, onions and cilantro 160 CALORIES and 2 slices of whole wheat bread 151 CALORIES each. A total of 462 for the day. I don't feel great and I don't feel awful. I'm certainly not starving, but I'm going to go buy an apple at the market today and make a salad. Hopefully I can keep it under 500 again today. This is the chart I will be referring to for portion sizes. 

Fat Delilah's current stats.

HW: 167 LW: 111 CW: 140 GW1: 130 GW2: 120 GW3: 110 UGW: 100

Ugh, see? I told you. I'm disgusting. I have let myself go and look like a disgusting cow.
OK, so I currently weigh 140 LBS, Im 5FOOT -1INCHES tall. My highest weight has been 167LBS, my lowest weight has been 111LBS, I have been stuck at this weight for about 4 months. fluctuation between 140-135LBS. I dipped down to 133 in December 2010. I was really sick with some serious gastro illness. I was so happy though. The weight was melting off! Then I was forced to see the doctor and he gave me medications to make it stop, and here I am. I have a Humpty Dumpty body. I have lots of sagging skin around my stomach, I hope to one day have a tummy tuck. Saving up my money for that!! So here are my stats. I will hopefully be uploading weekly pictures. I will also update with measurements.

Up All night obsessed with my Thinspiration

It 4:13AM (local time) and I cant sleep because I'm totally obsessing over this new goal and adventure I have set out for myself!
I'm researching every diet and trick in the book. Some of the stories out there are amazing!!! I'm so inspired. I want to do this so bad, but I often wonder, can a pig like me look THAT good and THAT skinny?!! It almost seems impossible! The flat tummies and the crazy pin thin legs, feels like I will never get there... but I have to try!!

Look at these hip bones! Amazing, beautiful, gorgeous.. this is what I want!!! I want to see my bones! I want these rolls of disgusting fat to be gone and I want to be beautiful just like this girl in this picture. I don't have much time. I really should have started this months ago... fuck!
At least I have woken up and I'm finally doing this!! I created this blog for many reasons, to document my weight-loss and be able to come back and see how I have shrunk, but also for support!! Please please help me thru this my beautiful Anas! I need your help. Together we can beat this!! I know it

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I don't want to eat anymore.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought tons of water and tuna.  This is going to be my diet for now, with the odd salad.  I have gotten a hold of some diet pills, they are called VERTE, they are similar to the ALLY diet pills in the States.
I am reading up on the ABC Diet and plan on starting it within the next few days.
I will do some major stretches tonight. I havent worked out in 2 months. Some Yoga stretches will help.

All I have had today was yogurt and water.  I will be taking all my stats tonight.
Pictures, weight, inches..everything. Time to post the Fat Monster and see of we can get her skinny again.

Im fat..WELCOME!

My name is Delilah, I'm a fat and unhappy girl. I have been living in this fat body for over 4 years now. I have never felt more horrible in my life. I try everything... diet, exercise, yoga, name it.
I hate everything about myself. I would love to love myself one day, but how can I love myself if Im such a stupid and horrible fat piece of shit?
I dont want to eat.
I dont want to look in the mirror.
I dont want to leave my house.
I dont want to meet new people.
Honestly, I jut dont give a fuck. I just dont care.

Im depressed, I know I am. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
My boyfriend broke up with me, told me he wasnt in love with me anymore.
Funny, when he was fat with me, he sure did love me. He lost weight and dumped me. I saw it coming. My inner voice warned me, but where was I going shoving anti-depressants down my throat gaining weight by the hour?

You said you loved me mother fucker. I stood by all your bullshit. Your lying, your cheating, your bullshit. I was there. I was down. I fucking gave you everything. I gave you my whole life.  Now look at me, I'm a fucking joke. Your joke. Something for you and her to point at and laugh at. My love was unconditional you fucking asshole. Your bitch mother never taught you how to treat a woman.  Your mother never taught you how to care. You have destroyed me in every possible way. Your evil cold heart knows no bounds.
Now she's got keys to the house WE got? Now you calling her by my nicknames? How is this so fucking easy for you and so hard for me? Am I missing something? Am I some fucking stupid idiot? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
I dont want to cry over you anymore. My tears only fuel you. My tears only make you smile and move on, while I sit here, in this pile of shit in horrible pain. I dont want to feel this way any more. I want to feel good, and happy. I want to be thin again.