Thursday, March 24, 2011
My name is Delilah, I'm a fat and unhappy girl. I have been living in this fat body for over 4 years now. I have never felt more horrible in my life. I try everything... diet, exercise, yoga, fasting...you name it.
I hate everything about myself. I would love to love myself one day, but how can I love myself if Im such a stupid and horrible fat piece of shit?
I dont want to eat.
I dont want to look in the mirror.
I dont want to leave my house.
I dont want to meet new people.
Honestly, I jut dont give a fuck. I just dont care.
Im depressed, I know I am. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
My boyfriend broke up with me, told me he wasnt in love with me anymore.
Funny, when he was fat with me, he sure did love me. He lost weight and dumped me. I saw it coming. My inner voice warned me, but where was I going shoving anti-depressants down my throat gaining weight by the hour?
You said you loved me mother fucker. I stood by all your bullshit. Your lying, your cheating, your bullshit. I was there. I was down. I fucking gave you everything. I gave you my whole life. Now look at me, I'm a fucking joke. Your joke. Something for you and her to point at and laugh at. My love was unconditional you fucking asshole. Your bitch mother never taught you how to treat a woman. Your mother never taught you how to care. You have destroyed me in every possible way. Your evil cold heart knows no bounds.
Now she's got keys to the house WE got? Now you calling her by my nicknames? How is this so fucking easy for you and so hard for me? Am I missing something? Am I some fucking stupid idiot? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
I dont want to cry over you anymore. My tears only fuel you. My tears only make you smile and move on, while I sit here, in this pile of shit in horrible pain. I dont want to feel this way any more. I want to feel good, and happy. I want to be thin again.